I’m going to let you in on a well-known secret: I don’t like other people’s kids*. I don’t like to listen to them whine or cry during a movie; I cannot stand to sit in front of one that kicks my seat during an airplane ride; and I don’t want my dinner interrupted by some random toddler allowed to run wild through a restaurant and who won’t leave me alone.
If this sounds harsh, blame the parents of these hellions that have collectively ruined my tolerance for their bullshit over the years. I helped raise my 12-years-younger sister, and while that certainly doesn’t qualify me for full-time-parent status, I do have insight into how difficult it can be to teach a child to act properly in public. And guess what: It’s not impossible.
But what really bothers me, more than the snot-nosed brats I encounter in public places from time to time, is the parents who insist everyone in the world has some sort of rug-rat radar that engages the moment their child is near—and demands the cessation of any activity that could perhaps interfere with their specific child-rearing curriculum that we all supposedly were given a copy of the moment we moved into the same ZIP code as said progeny.
I admit that in private conversation, I swear like a sailor. But I also know how to rein it in when in public. And I will own up to dropping the occasional F-bomb at Kroger, but it’s not like I zero-in on an angel-faced tot, inch closer to its angelic ear and unleash a string of vulgarities that would make George Carlin blush.
Shit happens, or so it is said.
Over at Suburban Turmoil, I made a few comments regarding the issue of language around children, specifically that I do not subscribe to the school of thought that says even if a parent brings a child into an adult-oriented environment (bar, concert, football game) where it is a given adult-oriented activities will be taking place (cussing, drinking, making off-color jokes), all non-child-friendly activities must cease immediately for fear of the child witnessing it and, I don’t know, bursting into flames? (I’m still not sure what is so bad about a kid overhearing a bad word. I don’t ever remember being physically or emotionally hurt by overhearing someone else cuss.) However, apparently there are a lot of people who do subscribe to this theory. And they get really pissy if you disagree with them!
You can go over there to read my comments and the resulting backlash, but let me highlight a few of my favorites for you:
Barbara says, “Know what I can not handle ? When I take my child to a supposed child-friendly place, like a football game, and the adults around me are sloppy drunk and swearing. You can bet your ass I’m asking them to stop.” Right, because a football game is totally child-friendly. I mean, people swearing and getting drunk at a football game? WHO DOES THAT?! MY GOD! THE HORROR!!
Barbara also says, “It’s good manners to respect the people who are present.” My point exactly, Barbara. If you willingly bring your kid into an atmosphere that’s not kid-centric, you need to respect the adults’ rights as well. And one of those rights is to be able to ask Jeff Fisher what the fuck he was doing with that last play, the son of a bitch.
Brooke says, “I hate when I’m at the park and grown men are playing basketball and calling each other vulgar names and screaming obscenities. Happens daily. It’s a PARK. It is for CHILDREN. Have some kind of decency.” I guess where I grew up (Chicago), our parks were laid out a bit differently than wherever Brooke lives. The basketball courts weren’t exactly right next to the slides and merry-go-rounds. Also, interesting that she deems a park that has a basketball court–or at least a few hoops–for children only. Selfish much?
And blog-owner Lindsay (let me reiterate that I love her blog and her writing, I just disagree with her here) chimes in, “Why be the one who contributes to a child’s loss of innocence?” Lindsay, I gotta say that made me laugh. Children really lose their innocence from hearing a stranger say “shit” or “fuck”? I would have thought it was from watching the nightly news and seeing all of the murders/crimes reported, or from watching movies where killing is glorified, or accidentally stumbling across an episode of The Hills.
Look, if you parents out there don’t want your kids to use cuss words, that’s awesome. I can respect that. And I will do my best not to cuss if I see a kid coming down my aisle in Kroger (OK probably not, but I’ll try harder.) But you all have to stop demanding the world walk on eggshells around your offspring. And anyway, it’s not like I walk around intermittently screaming cuss words wherever I go like I’ve got Tourette’s. FUCKSTICKS ASSHAT BASTARD SHITBALLS!
But if your kid ever overhears me cuss, be glad it’s in public. Because I can guarantee I’d make his ears bleed if he were privy to a conversation in the confines of my own house. And I’m not even fucking joking.
*By “other people’s kids,” I mean kinds belonging to strangers. Kids belonging to my friends, acquaintances, family members and co-workers are cool. And if they’re not, chances are I can be honest with the parent, or even before I have to say anything the parent reins the unruly kid in.
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Comments ( 19 )
I’m glad someone has the balls to make this post. I agree with you 100%.
Brandy Lee added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
8:21 pm
I love your “Tourette’s.”
Obviously I totally fuckin’ agree with this shit you wrote. I almost think this concern with “lost innocence” is more concern about having to teach the child when behavior is appropriate so as to avoid, say, hearing your child F-bomb in church. Or on their Facebook status, which will be referenced by the pastor two days later (actually this totally happened to me two hours ago, I am still pink). I believe – and I’m sure this will come back to haunt me when my future little darling inherits Mommy’s pottymouth – that if a stranger’s momentary bad behavior can undo all your parenting, you aren’t doing it right.
Waxing even more jerkisophically, it’s amazing how the frustration with my failure to join in on the child-centric myopia always comes about after someone has become a parent, never before, but there was nothing wrong with THEM for not being more careful about peppering a conversation with a “hell” or an “ass” the previous year. Which, you know, excuse the HELL out of my ASS for not having a life-changing experience when YOUR child came out of YOUR vagina.
Samantha Y. added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
8:32 pm
You. Fucking. Rule. Fuck those people and their fucking retarded kids. Asshats.
Cole added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
8:34 pm
Thanks y’all for your support; it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
And Cole, I am laughing my ass off right now at your comment.
Megan added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
8:43 pm
uhmm, I’m the 12-years-younger sister she raised (good fucking times those were, tho i cant remember them…) and i turned out just fucking FINE! and just like her older sister, i too drop the occasional “fuck” or “shit” or “why the fuck are these chips not on sale this week? fuck my life, i knew i should have gotten them last week” (ok, so that happened twice)
it’s the parents responsibility to teach the kid right from wrong, not the one dropping the swears.
it’s real easy to point fingers at someone else and blame them for your fucked up kid.shit, man.
Emily added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
9:29 pm
If you decide to have kids, I can’t wait to read what you write then.
But on the subject of cussing, my folks are major cussers and you know how awesome they are and in turn, I am.
My kids (well, the one who talks) already knows the difference between “grown-up words” and kid words. That said, I would rather him tell someone to fuck off than call someone stupid….but that’s me…..
Brianne added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
9:53 pm
You still embarrass the fucking shit out of me when you swear in front of little kids in the grocery store. Love yooouuuuuu.
Your Husband.
Ian added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
10:17 pm
Are any of you people parents? Well, all right then. Here’s the comment that matters: I have 3 kids and while I hope you conduct yourselves appropriately in public, I’m certainly not going to tell you what “appropriate” means.
People who take their kids into non-kid-specific places get what’s coming to them. And we all need a bad example from time to time. So, cuss away. Just more teaching moments for me to use with my kids.
Laura Creekmore added these pithy words on
Jun 24 09 at
10:56 pm
Picture it: July 4th, 2007. We’re at a cookout with a bunch of Marines and Army pilots, and I know nobody but the hosts and one other couple. I need to open a beer, but Dave has the Leatherman, so I ask him if I can have his “tool” wink wink giggle. Tool. I used the word tool. The wife half of the second couple we know goes OFF on me for talking like that around her kids. Seriously? TOOL? And this from a woman married to a man who walks out of Cock of the Walk with the cornbread skillet stuffed in his pants? And who teaches their sons about peeing in public places (as in outside and peeing ON public places)? And who has a good old fashioned leatherneck vocabulary? Oh helllllll no. And WHY would a 3 year old know what I meant by “tool” anyway? If she did, your problem is a lot deeper than her overhearing some sexual innuendo, lady.
For the record, I am that sappy stranger who makes eyes at and plays peekaboo with the toddler in the next booth at the restaurant. I am a sucker for a cute kid. And if the kid happens to be in an adult situation but is well behaved and pleasant (cute helps too), sure, I’m happy to tone down my language. I’ve been around kids enough to know that you have to pick your battles – I have no issue with kids running around the restaurant like Bruiser was in the case referenced at ST. It’s one thing for the kid to be running around because he’s going to be louder and more disruptive at the table and totally another thing if he’s running around because the parents don’t care, aren’t watching him, and don’t do anything when he walks up and sticks his finger in my food. There’s a line.
And I think there are places where children are not appropriate. Sporting events are where debauchery was born – I LOVE taking my godkids to Preds games, but I admit I hate it when there’s a strange kid sitting near me so I can’t cuss the ref. That said, if I take my godkids (whose mother feels the same way as I do, thankfully) or my own kid to a hockey or football game, I expect them to hear people being foul. It’s part of the experience. And know what? They’re not paying attention to what some dude behind us is saying anyway. They’re watching the jumbotron and the guy selling cotton candy.
I’m sure that growing up there were certain things we were shielded from, but for the most part we just knew there were grownup things and there were kid things. HBO? Grown up thing. The word shit? Grown up thing. These things were there, nudity and sex and curse words, but we knew that 1) it had nothing to do with us, 2) we weren’t allowed to watch/use/say it, and 3) omigod, somehow it helped us realize that the world didn’t revolve around the children.
jag added these pithy words on
Jun 25 09 at
10:16 am
Tool? Seriously?!
And here’s the thing: Walking around in community/public places cussing a blue streak is in poor taste–no matter if kids are around or not.
I’m not complaining because I feel like everyone should go around screaming FUUUCK wherever they are; obviously that would be ridiculous. But if you and I are at the same restaurant and I don’t see your kid and I let an “oh shit” slip, honestly it’s not the end of the world. If every other word out of my mouth is F this and F that, then please by all means come and say something to me.
But no cussing or getting drunk at a football game? What’s next: No streaking in church?!
Megan added these pithy words on
Jun 25 09 at
10:32 am
This post was hilarious!! Well, you know how I feel about kids, so I won’t go into it here. I read a funny book recently, “I Hate Other People’s Kids”. I think there was a chapter on this very topic.
Allison added these pithy words on
Jun 25 09 at
11:52 am
Megan,I’ve been reading your blog for a bit and I just had to chime in. I don’t have kids and don’t plan on having them for a looong time, if ever. And I have a horrible mouth and can provide cuss words and colorful,lyrical phrase along with it. If I see a kid that doesn’t belong to a family member or friend, yea, I’ll try to not say it as loudly or at all but fuckin’ A, I’m not on this planet to help raise anyone’s offspring.
Overzealous parents, this is for you: You aren’t paying me to be an example or to help raise the little chest bursters, so why should I have to over haul my words & actions when you bring your kid into public? And no, a fucking park is a fucking park, it’s not just for kids. Granted the playground area (probably) is just for kids but the park is for everyone and is large enough for everyone to enjoy. If you don’t want your kid to be exposed to anything but ambiguous holy perfection, don’t let them leave the house, don’t let them watch TV, movies, video games, listen to music or read.
Grrr. I need to blow off steam now…off to the park to hoop dance, hope no one thinks that’s “too sexual.” BAHAHA.
Kristen added these pithy words on
Jun 25 09 at
1:51 pm
Amen, sister! I once almost got in a physical confrontation at Kinko’s with some woman who thought I was being a bitch for politely asking her child not to fondle my computer. I, in turn, showed her what a bitch was, ending the altercation with “if this is how YOU act in public, no wonder your kids act like that.” I am a ball of sunshine.
Fuck fuck shitballs,
-(e)a
(evil)amy added these pithy words on
Jun 25 09 at
3:13 pm
I officially love you, Megan, and will have your babies if Ian decides not to.
Heh.
After being called down the other day by La Fishmouth (I said that I “just hated to hear that so-and-so had lost his job” and she crowed, in all her 4-year-old self-righteousness, “YOU SAID A BAD WORD, YOU SAID ‘HATE,’ and so I had to explain to her the proper Southern usage of that word and then apologize to her for boring her TO DEATH), I was reminded that kids. hear. everything. (And that was innocuous! She should’ve heard when I weed-eated/ate my foot last night.)
But you are very very most correct: It it is the responsibility of the owners of the kids (parents, aunts, grandparents, sitters, etc.) to 1) set proper behavioral examples for them and 2) properly supervise them in public. Don’t want your kids to hear drunks yelling filth & foul at a ball game? Sit in the “family section,” or calmly ask an usher if you can change seats. Don’t like language someone’s using in the grocery line? Get in the other line. Unless someone is specifically directing their filth & foul at you or your child, walk away and let it go. Life’s far too short, and so is childhood, to go around fighting with people who offend your sensibilities. (I try not to bust out the filth & foul around all little ones because I don’t like to be a bad example for them, but that’s just me and my overwhelming need to be loooooved.)
Besides, it’s been my repeated experience that many of these precious little adorable innocent darlings immediately recognize Very Very Most Bad Swears because Mummy and Dadsy use them in the car and to each other when they think Little Pitchers’ Ears aren’t open.
grandefille added these pithy words on
Jun 26 09 at
10:01 am
Aw, I <3 you too, Grandfille.
And I really appreciate the comments from all y’all.
Megan added these pithy words on
Jun 26 09 at
10:20 am
Amen. I can’t add anything more to what’s already been said. I also appreciate the parental view of a “teaching moment”. I myself have been a teaching moment more than once. I also remember my parents explaining the difference between adult activities and why children weren’t allowed to go certain places.
saraclark added these pithy words on
Jun 29 09 at
10:52 am
